I’ve got to break free

We are kinda taught to use social networks to show our best smiles and best friends, our happiest moments, our amazing holidays in the most wonderful places…
Social networks have become a window to a perfect life.
And it’d be great… if it wasn’t such a lie.
(Not to mention the fact that we should seriously understand there’s a fine line between sharing something online and living. And we should never cross it.)

So when I started writing this article, I decided to be honest and true to myself.

————— Throwing back to last Summer

After July 20 everything felt heavier and harder to me.
Chester Bennington’s suicide woke my demons up like nothing has ever done before.
Those voices in my head started telling me: “This is how you’ll end up.”
And I started feeling like I couldn’t reverse that pattern inside of my head, like I couldn’t stop that cycle that forced me to only think negatively.
I was scared, lost and alone.
Even when I was out with my friends, even when I was surrounded by people, I still felt trapped in that black bubble and there was no escape.
I began to feel hopeless and that feeling was getting worse and worse everyday.

I tried to find a rescue on Twitter, when I randomly found out so many other people were feeling like me.
And they gave me enough strength to take action before touching the lowest point and completely losing myself.

So I did the only thing I’m able to do every time my mind gets stuck into very unnecessary problems: I escaped from my every day reality, because it only reminded me of all the pain I’ve been feeling for years, for many different reasons.

Nature helps me find my balance whenever I lose it.
Being there and then is kinda magical.
It’s like time stops and it’s just you and those wonderful places: the whole World disappears, carrying all your problems and bad thoughts with it.

My parents were going on Holiday, so I decided to join them.
And afterwards I can genuinely admit it was the best decision ever.
I’m not usually scared of traveling alone, I actually like itBut last summer I just couldn’t face a journey all alone.

I gotta say I also thought of Chester’s sons and daughters and their irremediable loss. It broke my heart like not many other things before.
So I felt the need to spend more time with my family, valuing them as they deserve.
Last time my parents and I went on a Holiday together I was 12.
It’s a long time ago.
And after Chester’s death I’ve learnt to remember a moment is all we are and we should really appreciate what we’ve got.

So yeah, this journey was pretty different from any other journey I’ve ever been on.

The beauty which nature constantly offers us makes me always feel good and at peace with the whole world.
On this special journey, I used it to also compensate for all the ugly thoughts I was creating inside of my head.
So while surrounded by these wonderful, breathtaking views and places, I not only appreciated their magnificence, but I kinda used it – together with that peaceful silence – as a catalyst for my emotions and thoughts.

It took a while to fully appreciate this journey and understand its importance in my biggest journey called life.
I don’t know where I’d be now, if I decided to stay home, or go somewhere else by myself.

Those landscapes saved me.
And these pictures means so much to me, as every and each one of them was captured during my healing process: they still make me feel good every time I look at them!

So I’m sharing them with you, hoping they’ll make you feel a little better somehow.
Or maybe this will inspire you to find your own way to break free whenever you’re feeling trapped.

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Vivo di ansie che tu non sai nemmeno di darmi.

2 thoughts on “I’ve got to break free

  1. First of all, you’re not alone when feeling/thinking anything. Secondly, social media is one of the contributing factors when it comes to depression and declining mental health.

    Feeling hopeless is a part of life. When our ancestors didn’t manage to kill that mammoth and they knew they’d be without food for quite a while, they felt pretty bad, I suppose. But they didn’t see a bunch of other hunters bragging on Facebook about their kills, so they just assumed that feeling bad was okay, natural.

    The lies on social media makes you feel as if it’s not okay to feel like that, as if everyone else is happy and rich and beautiful and loved.

    That’s poison.


    1. It took me a while to answer, because your message gave me a lot to think about and I can finally say: I do agree with every word you wrote.
      Social media can be so freaking triggering.
      And I’ve always hated the fact that people need to show their life are so perfect when they’re not, just because that makes them feel a little better, just until they see other’s victories and start feeling envious and need to find something else to share, to start feeling better again.
      It’s like a huge competition to who’s the best at pretending they have the perfect life, when none of them has it.
      My purpose is to start using social networks as a way to connect people, to talk about our real life, because this society is thought to divide us so we need to stand together, more than ever, and social networks can create a link between many people. Twitter helped me understand that. There are many risks involved, so you always need to be much careful. But I gotta say I met some very special people online who made my life much better than it was before. And that’s a thing I can’t and I will never forget!

      Liked by 1 person

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