July 20th

Everything feels so weird, and I feel out of place.
I’m feeling the same way you feel when you come back home after being away for a while. As if I don’t belong here yet, but neither I belong to place where I was until a few hours ago anymore.
Everything feels so unreal.
Including all the things that changed, outside and inside of me.

I lately put myself into a new kind of adventure and I like it – unbelievable, isn’t it?!
I’m having fun.
I’m trying to get my life back and no – I can’t go back in time (even if I –so often- wish I could).
I’m just learning to live this life I’m given at my best – and now I know my best includes my downs too.
I haven’t surrendered to them: I’ve only accepted they’re a part of me and I’m dealing with that part every-single-day of my life.
I’m also using my downs to create – maybe to create something helpful for someone else? That’d be great.

I honestly don’t have any answers, I don’t have the key, but I’m feeling better and I wanna share it and…I gotta thank you for that.

If I think of myself one year ago, I see a girl completely lost in an ocean of pain and doubts and bad thoughts (as in very bad thoughts, you know what I mean.)
My life was kinda stuck in quicksand, as if I couldn’t move in any direction.

Then the shock from the news, which somehow gave me the strength, or maybe just the boost, to move.

It wasn’t easy.
It has been like going through hell and back.
And in the middle of it, I reached out to the LP family because it felt so natural and spontaneous.
And they taught me the most important lesson of my life:

You can be strong by yourself,
but you’re invincible when you’re not alone.

And thanks to that, thanks to them, thanks to your legacy, I’m here today, stronger than before, full of life and ready to face the next challenge.

I started reaching out everywhere, to everyone of my friends and I also found out who my friends are and who doesn’t care that much about me – and this is important: you should know who you can trust.

So I let go of the fear, I let go of the shame and I started being me.

And being me means I will always feel anxious in certain circumstances, I will always fall at some point.
But as long as I’m not alone, I will get back up again and be ready to rock the world just like you used to do.

Like you still do.

So keep rocking up there, Chazy.
I’ll try and keep celebrating life (and your life), so that your light will never fade away.

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me
leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest


LESSONS LEARNT THROUGH THE YEAR:
*** I don’t have any solution, nor I wanna pretend I do. But sharing your story can help or inspire someone, so that’s what I’m doing here. ***
• WHEN YOU TAKE THE FIRST STEP OUT OF THE DARKNESS, YOU START HEALING.
• THOSE AROUND YOU ARE A FUNDAMENTAL PART OF THE HEALING PROCESS, SO DON’T BE AFRAID OF LOSING THOSE WHO ARE TOXIC FOR YOU: GET RID OF THEM.
• DO YOUR BEST TO GET RID OF WHATEVER MAKES YOU FEEL BAD.
• DON’T – EVER – BECOME SELFISH. AT THE SAME TIME, DON’T FORGET TO LOVE YOURSELF.
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6 Comments

  1. lostlonegirlblog

    Great article. So thoughtful and inspiring and I relate to it so much, like the parts of it reflect the cangesbive had in myself in the past year. I have my downs, very often, but I’ve learned to embrace them. I’ve learned that giving up is not a solution, though i feel hopeless every other day, yet I know I got to survive. Survive, to make Chester proud.❤

    Like

  2. Belinda Buyze

    I think you are a very special person. And I am with you when you say don’t go through this alone. I know your blog and tweets help a lot of people by showing that they are not the only one in this. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

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